Fresh From Mr. Shuli

More forwarded questionnaires!  Because business is in utero, as they have been for two years!  Meanwhile…

 

DO YOU SNORE?

Yes, but not as loud as someone else.

LOVER OR A FIGHTER?

Fighter.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER? 

Mahirap lang kami!  I had a sack of wooden blocks, though.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY TV”? 

I can only tolerate one, two, three of them.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? 

No.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? 

Yes.

HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? 

Less complicated (less factors-in).

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?

Black.

WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?

Not into the great outdoors, so anything with good room service.

HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI? 

Yes.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “DONNIE DARKO”?

Yes.  Brilliant creepy bunny.

DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE? 

Yes.

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?

No.

ARE SPEEDO’S HOT? 

Usually… not.

WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?

Only for food, in a survivor scenario.  But if farms are accessible, I don’t see why it’s necessary… it’s not like you’re assured the wild prey is parasite-free.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?

It’s in my present.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?

Chain letters.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU” 

Today.

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?

Not anymore.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?

No.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? 

Poached.

IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING?

The taste?  No.  The moral thing? I don’t get blaming the food chain for health problems risked by people who supersize on a regular basis.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?

Last month.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?

Baths (it’s a preference, OK.  It’s not like I had the luxury or water supply to indulge in them).

IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL? 

Eh.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?

Nice notebooks and images of Nakaya urushi pens on the Internet (it’s not like I’m insane enough to actually go for one!).

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?

Crunchy.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?  Never.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?

So far twice.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? 

Preferrably.

ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?

Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED? 

Never.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? 

Brown.

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Last weekend.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? 

Yes.

WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?

Someone’s life is always better; then again, there are others that are worse.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC? 

No.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? 

Guitar, piano, wooden recorder, harmonica, trumpet.

CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?

Can’t.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? 

Yes, it’s such romance to experience the great outdoors filled with blood-sucking insects… until it rains, or a lizard or snake or frog or some other wild animal sneaks up on you while you were sleeping in the tent.

DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?

Often!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

… In a young girls’ heart?  How the music can free her, whenever it starts?

IS A DOG A MAN’S BEST FRIEND? 

DSTS admitted men and dogs are similar in many aspects (need to be active, protective of things belonging to the territory, need to be constantly fed, look for peer’s affirmation, senses always alert for females in heat…), so yes.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? 

Yes.  If there are many people who pretend to take marriage seriously then don’t, might as well have something that will ensure they pay the penalty to the aggrieved party and support for children resulting from such marriages.  The Philippine leaders discourage use of contraceptives in addition to not having divorce… big mess.  On the other hand, Spain, which introduced Roman Catholicism to us centuries ago, and Italy, where you find the Vatican, enjoy the laws of divorce.  Even the Bible has divorce in print and with specifics.  Go figure why Pinoys should inherit the earth.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? 

No.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Scrambled eggs with sauteed onions.

DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?

No.

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? 

No.

WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?

The one in which Sam Milby wants to be an actor.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?

No.

FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? 

Arcade Fire.

 

 

Yellow is happiness….
What person makes you happiest?  DSTS, who, it happens, also has the ability to make me the saddest.
Is there a song that just always cheers you up no matter what?
Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel, or Island In The Sun by Weezer. Any food or drink that gets you in a cheery mood? Ice cream, tacos, and Coke.
You are happiest when you
Don’t have to leave the bed before 7 in the morning. Are there any images or designs or colours that make you happy? Images of fountain pens; bright red, purple, and blue kind of trigger a happy feeling.
Do people generally see you as a happy person?
I don’t know.  Maybe not. Are you really a happy person? Yes.
Orange is for anger….
What could someone say to you that would totally piss you off?  Saying something with great authority when he or she has really no idea what he’s talking about; deliberate falsehoods.
When you’re mad at no one in particular, what do you do?
Hang out at a bookstore, eat at a good restaurant, sleep it off, or watch Gilmore Girls (somehow this show always cheered me up even if Rory and Lorelai were being stupid — they have their moments). When you ARE mad at someone, what do you do to them?  Say my piece up front if necessary, or decide they’re not worth my wrinkles and move on to better things.  I also write about them for personal reference.
Do you find yourself angry much of the time? Only when provoked.
Is there anyone in your life whom you just HATE? Not really.  Annoyed, yes, but HATE?  Haven’t found anybody deserving yet.
What usually causes your fights with your friends? May not be intentional, but it happens friends tend to take ‘pakikisama’ for granted and forget to be professional when it counts, a mistake for things like business ventures and formal projects.  Also, differences in opinion, culture, personal habits.
Red is for passion….
What is your passion? Reading and writing.
Do you have very strong opinions? So-so.  Depends on the topic and my mood.
What current problem in the world are you most concerned about? Ignorance and stupidity (they lead to most problems in the world).
Do you like to do artistic things, like write, draw, sing, etc.?  I like to write and draw… I don’t think they’re artistic, though.
Do you ever let people other than close friends hear you sing?  Only on official karaoke sessions!
Are you protective of your friends and loved ones? When threatened, yes.  But I don’t swoop down to rescue every time they get into trouble… part of life is learning from your mistakes and solving your own problems.
What is something you absolutely love to do? Write with a fountain pen on a nice notebook using Noodler’s bulletproof inks.
Pink is for love…..
Do you believe in true love? Yes.
Do you think long-distance relationships work? Generally, no.
Are you currently in a relationship? Yes.
Do you hope to get married someday? Again!?
If yes, do you sometimes fantasize about your wedding? Remember what the Sunscreen Song said about beauty magazines?  Same goes for wedding magazines.  Sure there’s the sweet moment, but mostly, your wedding is NOT the stuff of fantasies… you get nervous and tired and hungry!
What is your sexual orientation? Straight.
Do you support gay marriage?  Yes.  By my personal faith alone, such marriages are not valid, but suppose we take religion out of the context.  There are sincere gay relationships.  I don’t see why such relationships shouldn’t enjoy the rights of other married couples, especially when you consider things like tax deductions if there are children to be raised.
When dating, do you prefer your partner to be more sexy or cute? … Combination?
Purple is for inner strength…..
Where do you feel most peaceful?  Home.
What is the one thing that can always calm you down? A hug from a person who’s authorized to hug me.
Do you ever feel like you are not in control of your emotions? There are days, yes.
Are you a pushover? I can be.
Can you admit that you have faults in your personality? Tons.
Do you have any kind of mental/emotional disorder(s)? Yes… I need to hold my own with the company I keep!
Blue is for sadness…..
Do you feel sad when someone you don’t know dies? Yes.
Do you feel like we need to remember the Holocaust? Yes.
What makes you most sad? People leaving in any way, including myself.
Do you feel lonely often? Not often… things manage to occupy my time.
Worried or anxious? Within reason.
White is for imagination……
Do you daydream? Yes.
Are you very creative? No.
Do you like fantasy and horror movies more than real-life based ones? Most movies, unless they’re documentary-types, are fantasies… I mean, just take for example J. M. Barrie, who was played by Johnny Depp!?  When did J. M. Barrie even remotely resemble Johnny Depp!  Or how about Jennifer Love Hewitt passing as Audrey Hepburn?  Fantasies!
Who is your fave artist? Klimt, Beardsley, Waterhouse, Beethoven, Rackham, Ross, Callas.
Your favorite animated movie? Steam Boy, Hercules, The Incredibles.
Do you love to draw? I like to draw.  Love is a strong word.
If yes, what do you draw most of? – People, human figures.
Black is for fear…..
What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? Final Destination?  I’m not into horror.
Do you like scary video games? No.
What are some of your fears? Anything supernatural that’s… I don’t know.  Invasive?
Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, though I don’t believe the general belief of their nature and the general explanation why they’re here.
Vampires? There are people who are into blood.  Whether they’re evil incarnate or just very sick people, I don’t know.
Werewolves? Haven’t heard of a recent sighting… but there are clinical cases in which people think they’re hungry wolves.
Zombies? Haven’t heard of a recent sighting, too.
Aliens?  Lots of sightings about these!  However, are they really aliens from another planet, or something else?
Do you have any fears of the future? Lots, but what will be will be.
Are you scared of the dark? Not really.  I guess ignorance (of horror movies) is bliss.
Do you like scary stories? When well-written.
Do you still dress up on Halloween? Never have, never will.
You’ve made it to the end of the rainbow!!

And God bless Judy Garland.

50 Questions To Fill A Huge Chasm Brought To You By Real World Life Or The Lack Thereof

Currently out of my mind.  Good thing these stuff are so handy, and Mr. Shuli sent so much more… however, for the moment, I choose to foist these upon people who do have lives:

1. How’s your heart lately?

Still pumping as of this post.

2. Did you ever cheat during exam?

Yes.

3. First boyband that made you go ga-ga:  I’m not sure.  Duran Duran, a-ha, Tears For Fears, and Spandau Ballet were too pretty (and in fairness, most members in these bands actually play instruments and have limited dance moves, thereby protesting categorization under “boy band”).  Culture Club made me question my crush factor issues.  Menudo members do not stick long enough for the crush factor to settle. Ellie Punk’s Master had dibs on New Kids On The Block (and when I heard my first NKOTB song, “Please Don’t Go, Girl”, I did not pay attention to the lyrics and initially assumed the song’s lead, Joey, was a girl).  The Nelson twins were in denial (they worked the guitars and one of them used to drum… but such pretty, pretty hair).  And so, I will have to say for boy band boy bands?  The mostly one-hit wonders who deployed very cute guys: Breathe (“Hands To Heaven”, “Say A Little Prayer”).  Or Take That (Gary Barlow, Robbie Williams, and Jason Orange… yum), before the videos showed them dancing like Aaron Kwok, Leon Lai, and Andy Lau during the late 80s all the way to the 90s.  I mean, they were cute, okay.  But the Flashdance choreography they favored… no.

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Seven (the wear-once-then-discard do not count). 

5. What CDs are you currently listening to?

Arcade Fire – Funeral, Maria Callas – Maria Callas: The Platinum Collection, Sitti – Cafe Bossa

6. Do you buy pirated cds, vcds or dvds?

Yes.

7. Have you ever been suspended from school?

No.

8. How many different faces can you make?

Three real faces and about ten half-baked ones.

9. How many times do you brush your teeth in a day?

I have breakfast, and it’s three.  I don’t (or I run errands most of the day) and one session’s reduced to gargling with mouthwash. 

10. What perfume do you use?

Crabtree & Evelyn’s Sonoma Valley.

11. Do you watch pinoy telenovelas?

I had a fondness for Mark Reyes’s costumed extravaganzas.

12.How about asianovelas?

Sure.

13. Favorite cartoon character: Aahp, I… have a favorite?  Just one?  Gawd. There’s Space Ghost, Lurky from Rainbow Brite, Scooby Doo, Bumblelion and Hoppopotamus from The Wuzzles, Snake Eyes and the Baroness from GI Joe; Mumbo-Jumbo and Steel Heart from Silverhawks, Gruffi and Tummi from The Adventures of the Gummi Bears; Teela, Man-At-Arms and Evil-Lyn from He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe; P-Chan from Ranma 1/2, Jake Rockwell from The Centurions; Cheetarah, Panthro, Mum-ra and Lion-O from Thundercats; Keith from Voltron Defender Of The Universe, Atlas from Astro Boy, Captain Future, Goose from Galaxy Rangers, Donald Duck, Wile E. Coyote, Elmyra, X-men: Evolution’s Shadowcat; Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Monkey Fists, Motor Ed and Shego… you guys get the idea.

14. Can you drive?

No.

15. Favorite streetfood: Bibingka, shawarma, flavored fries, squid balls, sorbetes, balut!

16. Describe your room, what can we find inside?

It has a bed, a closet, a desk or two with paper, books, notebooks, printouts, pencils, illustration boards, rulers, pens, inks, watercolor tubes, crayons, pastel sticks, charcoals, DVDs, a small basket of shampoo, soap, zit creams, at least two brands of facial wash… piles of clothes, towels, boxes, shoes, a hairdryer… it’s a big mess.

17. Do you like to party?

In moderation. 

18. Do you still ask permission from your parents about stuff, like going out or going somewhere?

When I stay with them.  It was drilled in early that the people who run the household you’re in deserve the courtesy.

19. Favorite radio station: No favorite, though I do tend to listen to 99.5 RT longer than other contemporary pop stations before turning the dial because it almost always has a longer pop playlist.  “Classical”, oldies, and jazz stations break the monotony every now and then.  Best morning show is still Chico and Delamar’s Morning Rush.

20. Have you ever been under arrest?

No.

21. What song do you sing in the shower?

“Liar”, “Funiculi, Funicula”, and “Meet Virginia”.

22. What’s the biggest difference you’ve made in the world?

I helped fell a few trees.   

23. Do you keep a diary?

Yes, several, and they used to be trees. 

24. What do you do when you feel low about yourself?

Three choices: put together a comforting playlist and lie flat on bed, watch familiar movies, or doodle on a notebook in places you can quietly observe people without them noticing you back.  Three activities are best with something to munch with.

25. Can you cook?

The stuff’s edible…

26. Worst gift you had ever received: a doll, smiling beatifically, that closes its eyes when you put it on its back and opens them wide when it’s upright.  It was creepy!  Years later, Chuckie proved my point.  Oh, oh!  And a jar containing two tiny frogs with tomato in a plastic bag wrapped around it, which I got from one Monito-Monita, Kris Kringle thing in high school.  On the other hand, one boy set the frogs free during recess and one or two girls were so freaked out they climbed up a chair, shrieking at the top of their lungs.  The frogs wound up in one of my grandmother’s display units for kids, and the frogs died in that terrarium.  I think I haven’t made up my mind about this gift.

27. Are you facing a major problem right now?

Not really.

28. How’s your relationship with your parents?

With one, it’s great.  The other’s kind of unencumbered by categorization.

29. Top 2 things found in your wallet:

2. ATM card

1. Currency bills

30. Top 2 songs you can listen to again and again:

2. Bohemian Rhapsody

1. Sparks

31. Top 5 films you’d watch over and over again:

5. Sleepless In Seattle

4. Some Kind Of Wonderful

3. Mean Girls

2. Dogma

1. Back To The Future

32. Top 2 magazines I read from cover to cover:

2.  The Economist

1.  Communication Arts

33. Top 2 reasons to watch television:

2.  Entertainment

1.  Current events and pop culture

34. Top 2 places you’d want to visit 10 years from now:

2. Rome, tying with Paris

1. Athens

35.Top 3 great women you’ve encountered:

Four, actually.

3. Aunts

2. Mother

1. Grandmother

36.Top 2 obsessions:

2. Rewrites and layout revisions

1. Pens

37. Top 2 things you hold everyday:

2. Mobile phone

1. Pen

38.top 2 favorite girl’s name:

2. Clytemnestra

1. Topanga

39. top 2 favorite guy’s name:

2. Enkidu

1. Ziggy Stardust

40. Top 2 favorite foods:

2. Anything potato, you can’t go wrong.

1. Grilled stuff (I draw the line at amphibians, reptiles, arthopods, and animals with paws… tapirs and gnus are not so bad).

41. Top 2 favorite books:

2. Complete works, Ogden Nash

1. Classical Mythology

42. Top 2 favorite website:

2. www.hoardedordinaries.com

1. www.dannygregory.com

43. Top 2 things you want to do right now

2. Eat a Subway sub sandwich and some of Subway’s thin crunchy cookies

1. Sleep

44. Top 2 goals you want to accomplish:

2. Write a story

1. Illustrate a story

45. top 2 favorite colors:

2. Dark red

1. Dark blue

Favorite non-color: black

46. top 2 clothing items on your “I want” list:

2. A perfect, possibly non-existent pair of cargo pants with lots of pockets that do not make my butt look bigger

1. A cute suit jacket with inner pockets.  Girls need inner pockets, too!

47. Top 2 things that most everyone don’t know about you: I’m not good at stacking and archiving.  I have little patience and low EQ.

48. Top 2 favorite words or phrases:

2. Ano’ng tawag dito? (words-at-tip-of-tongue-itis)

1. Why so?

49. Top 2 embarrassments of your life:

2.  When I was seven, I screamed “Noooo!” at a teacher, who for some reason wanted to engage in witty conversation one fine day (“Do you want to be my friend?” “Do you want to be my daughter’s friend?” “Why not!?” “Do you like to live in school and never go home?” “Do you want to eat this egg?” “I don’t care if you don’t like to eat eggs, eat this egg!”).  She focused on me while other teachers were watching her progress.  Then I pretended she was invisible no matter how hard she tried getting my attention again because she was clearly deliberately annoying me and/or trying to make me cry, as bored teachers and teaching assistants who are not formally trained in children’s education are wont to do.  Unfortunately, later that same day, I left my hua gi book in Whiney Teacher’s classroom (or she, like, sneakily snagged it when I wasn’t looking! Just to spite me!  What genius).  And for some strange reason, my own very General-Patton-y teacher was so sure I left my book in WT’s classroom!  She made me “march up there, this minute” to get it back!  They could’ve been in this together (or she simply knew because her son was also taking break-into-Mandarin sessions that year, like me).  And I had to apologize to WT in front of her sixth-graders during class hours.  Yes, the big kids laughed at me. 

1.  Flash forward years later.  I once wore strapless underwear one evening without testing it first and it slipped down under my stringy-strapped dress in the middle of the second course… eep.

50. Top 2 must-do things before you die:

2.  Say to everybody who matters, “I WUVVVV you!”

1.  Accomplish some traveling that’s not connected to work

Posting Comments Was Beneath Them

And here they are.

Dear Jill,

Will you see Black Snake Moan?  What do you think of Justin Timberlake?

– Awed

Dear Awed,

Isn’t Black Snake Moan, I don’t know… a bit too sunshiney?  And I can’t guess whether the title is referring to a moaning black snake, a black, a snake, and a moan, or a black snake and a moan, or a black and a snake moan.  I ran out of groupings and I still don’t get it*.  But we have a seedy town in the South where Christina Ricci’s character was abused all her life so she grows up to be a nymphomaniac who’s nice when angelic Justin boyfriend is by her side, but once he goes off to bootcamp, unholy urges run so wild that Samuel L. Jackson’s tortured old geezer feels it’s his responsibility to save her from herself so he chains her to a radiator in his shack the better to thump her (in a wholesome way, of course because it’s) with the Bible and sing her the blues.  Cool posters, like the lurid sensation novels of yore.  And it’s hope and salvation for all.  Eh.

Justin Timberlake sings, emotes, and shakes his bon-bons well enough in music videos, like Michael Jackson.  Personally, he’s neither poster-boyish enough, like say, Brandon Routh, Luke Perry circa 90210, James Marsden, Joshua Jackson, and that adorable educational-looking plush toy, Adam Brody, nor is he certifiably, long-lastingly studmuffinish like my men Depp, Keanu, Clooney, Caviezel, and (may he rest in peace) John Kennedy Jr. 

But he’s powerfully effective, I’ll give him that.  Just look at his babe factor scorecard.  I therefore conclude the potency of Justin Timberlake is comparable to Dolphy’s. 

Sincerely,

Jill

Dear Jill,

The general rules for acceptable blogging are:

• Blogs must be short
• Blogs normally expound on one subject at a time
• Blogs must be easily understood

What do you have to say for yourself?

– Buster

Dear Buster,

…  My dog ate it.

Sincerely,

Jill

Dear Jill,

Dare I say your posts hint at a certain fondness for Kuya Germs?  I am not amused.

– Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

In the good ol’ days, Kuya Germs was the preferred reedy, wide-eyed, slightly effeminate sidekick for leading comedic roles of productions from the golden age studios.  As he got older and couldn’t quite convince the bigwigs of his ability to endorse for the house of Olay, he successfully transitioned to hosting shows.  It is probably why he’ll always have a soft spot for the Other Gutierrez Twin.

I was a child of the 80s and subsequent teen in the 90s, thus the exposure to episodes of That’s Entertainment and the really big Sunday variety shows really cannot be avoided.  This accounts for a strange fascination with a series of variety-show-inspired dishwashing paste commercials and that weekend show for the local insomniacs anonymous to which my mother tuned in especially on days with late-night sewing sessions.  I cannot help that Kuya Germs was everywhere.  Deal with it.

Sincerely,

Jill

 

Dear Jill,

You seem to take pleasure in making fun of other people, even your friends.  Have you no thought for their feelings?  What kind of friend are you?!

– Apalled

Dear Apalled,

I admit to have a slightly warped sense of humor, though it’s still pretty mild compared to those of genuine, non-camouflaged official bitches.  I make fun of my friends with a clear conscience, keeping in mind that I am not without my own bouts of idiotic lunacy and that they’d be stupid not to return the favor, which is highly unlikely given they’re my friends, most of whom possess superhuman snarking abilities and very rarely fail to freestyle in said admirable skills whenever opportunity permits.  Spread the love!

As for other people… do you really think I give a ponkam?

Sincerely,

Jill

 

Dear Jill,

Why do you post entries out of order?  What’s up with structural and factual errors?  How come you continue to edit typos and rearrange paragraphs long after posting?

– Polymath

Dear Polymath,

These are probably only some of the reasons why, when I finally had that big talk with the guidance counselor, becoming Pope one day was out of the question.

Sincerely,

Jill

*Oh, it’s the title of a blues song.

Picky

1. Chocolate or vanilla?

Sad or pissed off: chocolate.  Otherwise: vanilla.

2.  Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler?

Ben Stiller. 

3.  Roberta Flack or Angela Bofill? 

Roberta Flack (pre-duets). 

4.  Melissa Etheridge or Sheryl Crow? 

Sheryl Crow.

5.  Britney Spears or Mandy Moore?

Mandy Moore.

6.  Madonna or Cyndi Lauper? 

Cyndi Lauper.

7.  Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet? 

Duran Duran.

8.  Sean Connery or Roger Moore?

Sean Connery!

9.  Backstreet Boys or N’Sync?

N’Sync.

10.  High school days or college days? 

College days.

11.  Lizzie McGuire or Even Stevens?

Even Stevens (Ren and Louis were the best).

12.  To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything. Julie Newmar or Pricilla, Queen Of The Desert? 

To Wong Foo (Wesley Snipes in drag!).

13.  Hilary Duff or Lindsay Lohan?

Lindsay Lohan.

14.  PCs or Macs?

Aargh!  PCs.  But Macs are much… cuter.

15.  DC or Marvel?

Marvel fan.

16.  Matt Damon or Ben Affleck?

Ben Affleck.

17.  Nirvana or Pearl Jam?

Nirvana.

18.  Beverly Hills, 90210 or Melrose Place? 

Melrose Place.  My soft spot for 90210 is Dylan McKay and, around the second season, Steve Sanders, but Kimberly Shaw ruled and this cannot be ignored.  Marcia Cross is fabulous.

19.  Seinfeld or Friends?

Seinfeld.

20.  The Simpsons or South Park?

The Simpsons.

21.  Rock or R&B?

Rock.

22.  Samba or salsa?

Samba.

23.  Reggae or reggaeton?

Reggaeton.  More flex.

24.  Pop or country?

Pop.

25.  Jazz or soul?

Jazz (the old fashioned kind, not anything fusion or Kenny G).

26.  Punk or metal?

Punk.

27.  Megamall or G4?

Megamall.

28.  Tolkien or Lewis?

Tolkien.

29. Sex And The City or Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives (I am a Bree and Edie fan).

30.  Old Testament or New Testament?

Old Testament.

31.  Nickelodeon or Disney Channel?

Nickelodeon.

32.  P. Diddy or Jay-Z?

Diddy.

33.  Colin Farrel or Heath Ledger?

Heath Ledger.

34.  Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis?

Ferris Bueller played by Matthew Broderick, though I will pick Parker Lewis, ably supported by the brilliant Ms. Musso, over the TV Ferris (Charlie Schlatter). 

35.  Bound books or e-books?

Bound.

36.  Wham! or Tears For Fears?

Tears For Fears.

37.  Chicken or beef?

Beef.

38.  Ice cream or cake?

Ice cream.

39.  Coffee or tea?

Tea.

40.  Pepsi or Coke?

Coke.

41.  Dogs or cats?

Cats.

42.  Webster’s or Oxford’s?

Oxford’s.

43.   Apples or oranges?

Apples.

44.  Soda or juice?

Soda.

45.  Day person or night person?

Night person.

46.  Laundry or dishes?

Dishes.

47.  Order or chaos?

Chaos.

48.  Dinner or clubbing?

Dinner.

49.  Fashionable or preppy?

Hmm.  Where’s bohemian, bo-ho, hobo?  Or grunge (all my checked flannels are pajamas, though).  Nyearrghh… preppy.

50.  Love or money?

Love… but I should mention that 75% of my whole life’s taught me money helps.

Piles And Piles Of Uncreations

Many people who know me are puzzled I see myself un-artistically inclined, considering the degree I’ve slaved years for, my long-standing love affair with bookstores and sequential art, the enthusiasm for anything from Bosch and Titian to Beardsley, Toulouse-Lautrec, Lasseter, and Timm, and my continuing fascination with Ian McKellen, Freddie Mercury, Rupert Everett, Boy George, and Morrissey… and how come England’s most interesting men are gay?

Well, I am.  Un-artistic.  My BFA is a hoot.  What I do is for kicks and for to pay the bills with; the arts are something entirely out of my league.

Art agrees with and contradicts everything; it is both sense and nonsense, static and dynamic, exact and ambiguous, beautiful and ugly.  The consensus is it moves you.  It is something of a higher plane… not exactly definable or easily categorized.  So what is it?  I don’t know.  You just know it is.

When I encounter something akin to the arts, I usually feel one or all three of the following.  These are the non-expert’s guide to things possibly arty:

1. The Goosebump Factor

Happens when I blast, say, Tosca, Carmina Burana, Tommy, Pet Sounds, or Stero Type A through the Toshiba’s tiny Harman Kardons.  Or watch Nicole Kidman chillingly lose herself  in Dogville.  Or reminisce about the time Kermit sang about being a pollywog.  How about the group doing the eeriely happy dance of death in The Seventh Seal?  There’s also something about the first commandment, “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.”  I think that passage more than anything attributed much of associating the demonic to the painted and sculpted that evoked so many unexpected emotions and thoughts.  On the other hand, it may be true.  On the other hand, I also get goosebumps whenever I hear someone preparing to spit out something heinous.  So figuring out which is which?  Fun.

2. The High Factor

Art sometimes leaves you feeling dazed, floating.  You come off with a feeling of peace or understanding, even if for a brief moment.  That happens to me.  Like… I finally watched Before Sunset, and, oh.  My.  God.  I am a woman again — annoyingly illogical, pathologically incomprehensible, wrinkly, flea-bitten, forever barring the maths and Microsoft Excel from existence, and I love it.  And I’m sorry, but I must write a separate entry on a conclusion that’s not so concluded but long overdue.  Sigh.

3. The Expensive-But-Useless Factor

Okay, the arts are mostly investment.  If you get ones from certified masters, your investment appreciates as its contemporaries expire one after the other.  If you’re middle class or lower, that’s out of the question –- you can’t afford them, they’re out of reach, they take up considerable time and space.  An analogy:  you look at the PowerBook G4.  It’s shiny and sleek, and looks so cool.  And it costs a lot.  It offers you the feeling of belonging to an exclusive, snooty club, and you like it.  Membership does not offer much more than barring many riff-raff DOS people from using the club’s swimming pool.  You appreciate one, but to actually possess one would require you to shell out the bucks for something next to useless given the limitations in usage flexibility.  The chances you get mugged for it in a dark alley is pretty high as well.  Despite the handicaps, you want it.  You praise it to the high heavens.  You embrace it, flaws and all.  You know, I’ve probably mentioned the PowerBook G4 and its number one in this blog for probably the two-hundred-and-ninety-third time?  Now I discuss art and we get this again for no reason at all?  Tacky.  I’m so obsessed.  This is sourgraping at its insanest.

And if Steve Jobs’ hootenannical business savvy is not art, I don’t know what is.

The things I do evoke none of the above.  I’ve got closed concepts, on some days I need some doses of political incorrectness, I’ve not enough angst, too much inhibitions, and the things I liked, well.  To the hardcore artsy fartsy, they’re just mainstream encyclopedia things.  In addition, I also nix the idea of models posing for abstract interpretations; I imagine consumptive Elizabeth Siddal would’ve drowned the painter in the tub herself had John Everett Millais been a cubist, art or no art.

As for personal projects, they rarely get finished at all, so I’ve nothing to my name.  I cringe everytime someone refers to me as oh, Jill’s a whatever-whatever artist.  That sounds so wrong, like those job postings calling for graphic artists to lay out packaging for Likas Papaya and those Marie-France and Svenson ads.

I may chalk things up to chance not being able to deal me the opportunity to work in someplace I’d like, say a painter’s guild or a healthily thriving animation company, or an international comicbook organization.  But… totally not the reason.

Even way back I remember my Cool Grandma getting frustrated because I couldn’t get to finish a picture of a duckling being clawed by some crab.  I didn’t mean to, but somehow after usually a couple of hours, I’d lose steam and then my mind would go blank.  To wiggle out of it temporarily, I’d say I want piano practice done for the day.  After pounding the Blue Danube, the Spanish Dance, a Haydn song I couldn’t remember the title to, and three exercises from the horrid Czerny — who took over terrorizing me after my barely surviving the reign of Hanon — I’d hop off the piano stool.

“You made mistakes.  Your teacher will be displeased.”

“I’d want to write another story about the little squid and his mother,” I’d say, referring to a children’s story she wrote.

“Okay, do it,” she’d reply.

And I’d write a few pages only to sneak off later to watch a rerun episode of The Electric Company.   As the afternoon comes to an end, my story’s unfinished, my picture’s un-crayoned, my Czerny’s still awful, and I finally get spanked.

So we could say I had a… sort of… attention deficit disorder and wasted a lot of paper and graphite on unfinished things.  Okay, so I’m a chronic procastrinator.  If you remember that kiddie milk commercial, I belong to the faction of brats with low EQ. The trees I probably helped fell (and still help felling).  You know Shakespeare probably contributed to killing tribes of Ents in his time, but at least he had about forty-three leatherbound titles to show for the deed.  Which brings me back to being artistically-challenged.  A bit alarming, if you think about it.  If I have no left braininess to speak of, and so much less than 10% of the right brain is utilized, that’s sad, isn’t it.

DSTS played my shrink once and deduced that I probably couldn’t feel compelled to create things because I’m naturally detached from people.  I’m not exactly the life of a party, though I’m all right with small groups.  Occasionally I have bouts of mingling, but during longer minglings, I’ve been known to go out awhile to “get some fresh air”. I have to have my time alone.  So if I tire of too much interaction with — as Morrissey delicately put it — “people I’d much rather kick in the eye”, you know why there’s no inspiration much.  But that’s no excuse either… Emily Dickinson was practically a human-fearing hermit and she churned out brilliant things about human nature.

So people.  Lay off genericizing the a-word.  I am not an artist, the boy next door who’s fiddling with layers and the magic wand and eraser tools is not an artist, that hack who used Boysen red, black, and stucco paint with paint roller and dripping sneakers on acacia slabs and said he’s projecting time steamrollered by trodden paths and displayed all the mess in one Megamall Megatrade Hall is not an artist, and Jesse McCartney?  Oy.

Hmmm.  Maybe it’s just all about the tools for me.  I like tools.  I could spend hours at the bookstore with everything in it for hours… first the books, then the office supplies, then the drafting and paint stuff.  Lots of paper.  Heavy stock paper, note paper – lined and unlined, and the pens.

Attention deficit disorder in order, we now shift to talking about writing.  Today, in search of the perfect writing tool, one no longer invests in a fine Parker Duofold and the choicest writing inks, as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle did in penning his masterpieces.  When such a pen costs almost as much as a good, second-hand laptop, one with complete control of faculties usually goes for the laptop.  We can consider a reliable desktop, but that would dash off the possibility of writing on location, like a deserted beach, a stone gazebo by the Yangtze river, on a sailboat in the Mediterranean, under a tree in a lush glen somewhere in Prague.  Okay, to killjoys out there, we invest in an imaginary Toughbook with extra battery for these locations.  To hell with the PowerBook.  Ya happy?

Back to writing.  Should writers still call their profession writing?  Isn’t it now more typing than writing?  Word processing.  As in, “J. K. Rowling is the world-famous word processor of the Harry Potter series.”

“It is quite possible that I shall finish word processing my great, still-non-existent novel.”

“I word process to you today and hope this e-mail finds you in good health.”

“Who’s Bertolucci’s latest scriptwordprocessor?”

Get a feel for those.