About a week ago, my mother and Aunt Bebop came over to see how the Little Spud is doing. He’s now about a year and five months old. My aunt noted the diaper. She advised me I stick to the plan of toilet-training him before he turns two, while I’m working from home and can supervise the project. ”You want him to be like your cousin Taffy?” I shook my head.
When Cousin Taffy was growing up, he was left in the care of just nannies from morning until night — his dad traveled and his mom, a pharmaceutical exec, came home from work late — and his nannies never bothered potty training him properly. I don’t know if that’s related to what we discovered when he came to live at my mother’s for a couple of years of high school — his younger siblings seem fine — but until now, in his mid-twenties, we know his laundry often resembled the one Kathy Bates pointed to in a scene from Waterboy.
Potty training at one year and four-plus months, I found, is a bit tricky. He’s now more curious and prefers whirling around than focusing. I bought a dozen plain white baby cotton panties for this undertaking and laid down the new rules with I Married A Gangster, the temp nanny. Little Spud will wear diapers when taking naps and before bedtime; after meals and during playtime before baths, it’s gonna be just cotton undies and Air Spud.
We’ve had an on and off ritual since December right after we sacked Mata Hareh and throughout his two months with the second nanny, Angles McTangles. Whoever’s in charge — me, my mother or my mother-in-law — would make him go diaper-less, then we have a small cup or the handheld potty, and we time him from the first go, usually he has ten to fifteen minutes in between wee-wees. We make shh-shh sounds while standing behind him, bracing his frame. He had a few hits and a lot of misses — Little Spud keeps wanting to touch the water in the potty. This now makes me think back to the time my Shenzhen neighbors were urging me to get the Little Spud –while still relatively clueless and passive at that age — split pants, and practice holding him suspended over bushes or garbage bins. Maybe they were right, only I was debating the sanitary merits of split pants and baby butt touching the floor. However, their one-year-olds and older seem used to the potty with no problem at all.
Little Spud knows how to say, “wee-wee” for number one and “poo-poo” or “oh-oh” for number two, but more often than not he says these when he’s in the middle of the doing the deed or has finished. So I need to work on observing his usual routine, and timing. I took on number two, a daunting task that even my mother-in-law seems hesitant to tackle. The first attempt, I coaxed him to sit on the potty; he became anxious and insisted to stand, and so the mess landed on the floor. I then decided to have him get more familiar with the potty. I also showed him the toilet bowl more often. ”When Mama needs to go poo-poo, she sits here, see?” I sit on the throne with my pants on and make slight grunting noises while he watches from his stroller, observing. I update my mother and aunt. Mama said with girls it was easier for her, just sit them on the potty for both number one and number two. She stayed at home with my brother until he was six, and he started potty training when he was younger than one year, so she also didn’t have this problem with his potty training. My aunt said, “Why don’t you have DSTS demo how to pee for Little Spud? My boys learned how peeing’s properly done from their Dad at eight to nine months.” DSTS is in China at the moment. I’ll have to make do.
I was able to make some progress with number two; while giving him his lunch one day, I noted from a change in his facial expression that he was about to go. So I asked him, “Go poo-poo, yes?” He confirmed, “Yes.” I took off the panties and sat him on the throne, making soft grunting noises while he fidgeted a bit and looked at me, repeating “Poo-poo? Oh-oh?” I said, yes, relax and go on with the poo-poo. He was still for a moment, then resumed fidgeting. I check, and ta-dah. Poo-poo’s in the bowl.
I did the dance of joy. Little Spud was delighted he could make me happy by just dumping.
Back to number one. A series of soaked baby panties later, I Married A Gangster was complaining the Little Spud wouldn’t cooperate with the cup. I think she’s expecting him to act like the grown-up that she is. I’ve instructed her how things are done but she’s insinuating somewhat that even I couldn’t do the instructions, and maybe the diapers should stay — it’d make her job easier. I’ve kind of expected this after hearing her comment about a different training she did for all her five kids when I briefed her on day one (her three-year old youngest daughter still wears diapers on days out), and I know it’s rare for people to be patient with things like potty training when they’re dealing with kids not their own. Still, this annoyed me as, by day, I need to put time into work (I take over evenings), and I really hate it when someone who agreed to do the things we clearly outlined during the interview comes back to me so I’ll do that job I delegated to that person! Why did I hire her in the first place? The nanny also balks at my instruction, when the Little Spud goes while still wearing bottoms, to emphasize to the child that clothes would be smelly and wet and icky as a consequence for not verbally alerting a grown-up. I think the Little Spud gets more anxious when with her because of her way of speaking — kind of fast and high pitched, and she sounds frantic, like hurry-up-hurry-up-hurry-up; he’s not used to this and he struggles more, trying to break free when she tries to hold him in place for wee-wee sessions.
My mother suggested to try making him pee the moment he wakes up from sleep or a nap; he won’t struggle so much then. I tried this and it worked, and he’s relaxed a bit during subsequent tries at playtime. I’ve done this a few times and so has my mother-in-law. Just to make a point, I then did a demo, showing the result to I Married A Gangster, with Spud tucked in one arm, beaming after I praised him for doing a good job. I asked if she finds the job so difficult that I would oblige her to to make other arrangements — I really don’t like wasting my time with people who won’t do the work. The following days, she seemed more patient and managed pretty well with several no-spill pees.
Eventually we’ll attempt lessening dependence on diapers even more for naps and bedtime. Crossing fingers he takes to it; might need to stock a couple more sheets and an alternate rubber mat.
Today marks the fourth day in a row I made the Little Spud poo on the toilet and the second day he’s managed to pee in the potty without spilling anything on the floor, and I’m thrilled. Of course I’ll give it’s probably not as good as what our Shenzhen neighbors have shown us with their kids, who are mostly completely potty-trained by two years, split pants and smelly garden bushes notwithstanding. But I’m happy with the progress.
I wonder if it’s a good idea to try the Shenzhen style with the second baby. Would that improve our potty stats?
